Sunday, January 5, 2014

What the World Needs Now, Is Guns. Moar Guns.

So, the Second Amendment establishes a right to bear arms, individual and inviolable. It's a sacred text, and we must always and forever stand against the evil gun grabbers.

But there is a major problem in society - the number of homes that own guns are dropping. Guns are expensive, and the erosion of the middle class is serving to take the fundamental right of persons to be secure in their property because they own firearms. After all, the Founding Fathers meant for us all to be armed to resist a tyrannical government, and who suffers the most at the hands of a tyrant?

That's right, the poor.

Therefore, I submit that it is our moral duty to provide weapons to those unfortunates who are without the means to purchase their own. The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun, and the problem that the poorest and most crime-ridden areas have is not enough good guys with guns. The good guys outnumber the bad guys, after all - we just need to be certain to match the good guys with the guns they need.

We can divert a portion of the Homeland Security budget to help, because giving people guns will make everything safer and more secure. We can offer a gun safety course, and eligible individuals will receive their weapon upon completion of the course. (Not passing, of course - that would be an unconstitutional infringement.)

Because the weapons are useless without ammunition, some sort of monthly ammunition stipend would be a part of the deal.

And, as the final step to insure liberty, we would target the people most likely to need and not have a weapon - poor, urban minorities. We would be certain to have outreach programs specifically for those underserved groups.

Remember, resisting tyranny is the goal, so modern sporting rifles would clearly be the best weapon for this program.

So, Granting the Underclass their Needed Sporting rifles (GUNS) is clearly the best possible public policy.

[*Note that the above is completely sarcastic and is totally without merit and I am completely opposed to such a program*]